it wasn't great

your shirt said “i have the dick, i make the rules,” but your face said “hock a loogie in my eye”

i hope “don’t spit in my face” wasn’t one of the rules

shut up, mom

• little boy: I'M A BBW
• mother: no you ARE NOT.

two construction workers, one holding a pokeball and explaining to the other, “it’s fuckin’ awesome. you press a button and, like, a fuckin squirtle or a picachu pops out.”

middle aged man at the supermarket waving around a bible stuffed with hundred dollar bills and shouting that “manager” is the babylonian word for devil

best dude

you kept saying that you were “autistic about” things

i hope something bad happened to you later

i like that you smelled like fried onions but hated how you were staring at me.

jorts over jeggings

it was an accident that i stepped on your fedora, but i’m still glad it happened

his shirt said “JET SKI,” but I am pretty sure he had not seen the ocean in years.

two teens in spraypainted silver doc martens giving each other through-the-pants handjobs on the R train at 3am